By Red Square
Comrades! August 15th (July 31st in the Julian calendar) marks the
glorious 40th Anniversary of the Great Woodstock Revolution, when a
500,000-strong army of heroic young workers, peasants, and toiling
intelligentsia courageously rose in massive rebellion throughout the
600 acre dairy farm, 69 kilometers away from Woodstock, New York, to
struggle together for the deepening of the widening of the expansion
of the awareness of their struggle.
Within a few short years, similar revolutions happened in almost
every country of the world, especially Canada. Now that the dream had
become an incredibly colorful reality, it was time for the unwashed
everywhere to develop the theory and tactics of the revolutionary
movement according to their ability to access the capitalist parent's wallets.
The victory of the battle of Woodstock gave hope to all people of the
world who were braving the assault of the reactionary culture. It
drove a stake at the heart of imperialism by removing the need for
personal hygiene and selective sex among large swathes of the young
masses, replacing harmful bourgeois alcohol with beneficial,
The manifestation of the will of the Great Unwashed proved to all
oppressors and parents worldwide that changing the course of world
history is as easy as changing sex partners, and that to dismantle a
civilization is less complicated than to build one.
40 years later, the epic Woodstock Revolution continues to guide us
in our glorious march towards the future through the destruction of
the past. Therefore, all media, educational, and entertainment
subdivisions are hereby directed to continue their courageous
celebration of Flower Power until such time when it has outlived its
usefulness to the cause. To this end, the Party has developed a set
of mandatory slogans to be used by The People™ at spontaneous
rallies, sit-ins, teach-ins, be-ins, and media publications dedicated
to this weekend's Great Anniversary.
Official Party-Approved Slogans for the 40th Anniversary of Woodstock
Recite them in K-12 classrooms and college campuses. Print them out
and distribute at all Townhall meetings! Oppose the manufactured
right-wing slander with the heart-felt truth of Party-approved slogans!
Long live the Great Psychedelic Woodstock Revolution - the main event
of the 20th century, the beginning of the worldwide historic turn of
humanity away from the monochrome past, towards a bright, vividly
Let live for centuries the name and work of Timothy Leary, the
splendiferous leader and creator of the psychedelic revolution - the
new objective reality!
Long live sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll - the tested and powerful weapon
against bourgeois cultural and reactionary generational influence!
Let live forever in the people's memory the unparalleled achievement
of flower children - the builders of progressive utopia and the
leading force in the deconstruction of capitalist civilization!
Veterans of the Woodstock Revolution! Mentors of youth! Be in the
avant-garde of the national struggle for the complete victory of
psychedelic experience, be active organizers and teachers of the masses!
Young men and women! Persistently acquire knowledge of drug culture
and indiscriminate sexual practices. Don't trust anyone over 30
except for those older people who invented this rule 40 years ago. Be
nonconformists because everyone else is!
Baby boomers! As you join the new party, the AARP, carry on the
selfless struggle for the legalization of recreational drugs.
Actively spread doom and gloom in support of the health care reform!
Death is the ultimate trip!
Citizens of the United States - thwart the system's efforts to
control your minds - counteract corporate poison by using LSD,
mescaline, and psilocybin!
Hemp growers! Raise the effectiveness of high-grade marijuana
production! Make better use of basements, national forests, organic
fertilizer, and government grants!
Workers of hallucinogenic drug industry! Struggle for the further
development and intensification of the industrial strength of our
hallucinogenics! Expand the consciousness of the masses with less
polluting, greener bio-brainmass technologies!
Drug dealers! Staunchly struggle to increase distribution of
recreational drugs! Renew their assortment and more fully satisfy the
needs of the American consumer!
Drug traffickers! Develop and perfect the means of transport and
communication! Improve by all means service to the national drug
industry, more fully satisfy the needs of the diverse community of
Activists of literature and art, Hollywood filmmakers! Reach out to
the new generations! Teach them an enlightened attitude towards study
and recreation! Carry high the banner of counterculture!
Workers of the mainstream media! Stand on watch to guard the
victories of Woodstock! Write news stories worthy of revolutionary
Supreme Court Justices! Strictly adhere to the legacy of the founders
of Woodstock - the basic law of our lives!
Workers of health food industry! Increase the share of recycled
organic matter in food preparation! Struggle for a high level of
fiber in the servicing of the Woodstock generation!
Workers of the people's education! Perfect the preparation of cadres
for utopian communes! Teach the growing generation that psychedelia
is the pinnacle of intellectual thought!
Students and school children! Fervently love the ideals of Woodstock!
Learn to live, kick back and relax as your favorite rock stars!
Strengthen the powerful union of the three basic revolutionary forces
of our time - tune in, turn on, drop out!
Minority students! Don't betray your communities - become active gang
members! Education is what white people do - persistently demand
redistribution of their wealth!
College students! Human past is a buzz killer! Ignore history unless
it was written by Howard Zinn! Study the works of Zinn, the author of
the official history of the Woodstock generation!
Peace activists! Decisively speak out against the right of your
nations and their citizens to self-defense! All resistance to the
forces of international peace and progress must be halted!
Workers of the world, unite in a variety of mutually pleasing sexual
combinations, including animals, household appliances, and extraterrestrials!
Warm greeting to the people of Latin America, heroic fighters against
fascist drug policies, for free and independent development of
organic coca plantations, for peace, love, and non-resistance to progress!
Fraternal greeting to the unbeatable Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez,
the source of free heating oil to Flower Power communities on the
East and West coasts!
Honor and praise to the valiant al Qaeda and Taliban warriors! Let
strengthen and flourish the poppy plantations of Afghanistan, an
advanced outpost of the forces of peace and tranquility in the Western world!
Trippers of the world, unite!
Scientific consulting services provided by El Marco, bona fide former
flower child. For more information see his photo essay Selling Drugs
and Revolution to Children in America.