Hippycrites: The Fall of the Real Hippie

Hippycrites:
The Fall of the Real Hippie

http://www.redshtickmagazine.com/article1333.html

By Johnny Valentine
September 04, 2009

Hippie or Hippy, n; pl Hippies: a usually young person who rejects
the mores of established society and advocates a nonviolent ethic;
broadly: a long-haired unconventionally dressed young person.
(Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary)

The Love Generation from the 1960s inspired many things that need to
be recognized. For example: the widespread use of psychedelics and
marijuana, important lessons in unwanted pregnancy and contraceptive
methods, stoner movies, music festivals, hydroponic cultivation
techniques, and simple yet important inventions like the water bong.

The water bong is a device that was undoubtedly discovered by a guy
or gal who farted in the bathtub. He noticed that the stench of his
underwater flatulence was much more potent than just a regular,
above-water fart. He embraced this idea that, if his farts were more
potent underwater, then obviously, weed smoke filtered through water
must be more potent, as well. And for that, my hippy friends, we thank you.

Now that we've gotten a couple of thank yous out of the way, we need
to identify the Hippycrite.

Hippycrite,n; plHippycrites: an unconventionally dressed young person
who shops at Whole Foods, wears traditional hippie apparel because it
looks cool, and generally thinks he is more knowledgeable about
current events and politics and refuses to concede or compromise in
an intelligent argument; also: a smug college kid who looks down his
nose at "regular" people who don't eat organic food and receives
money from his parents yet pretends that he is independent and
self-sufficient; also: a young person who refuses to believe that he
is conforming to a nonconformist belief system. (Johnny Valentine Dicktionary)

In the '60s, it was a common misconception that hippies were just
long-haired, anti-bathing, braless, crazed individuals who spent
their days smoking pot, having unprotected sex with many anonymous
partners, and dropping LSD. (Of course, hallucinogens, mass orgies,
and marijuana use were commonly associated with the hippy name.)
However, these people had a great idea of how to live and work
together, grow their own food (and weed), live off of the earth, and
challenge the established norms of society in a peaceful, nonviolent
way. There are many lessons we can take from the Flower Children of the 1960s.

The new-age hippies or hippycrites are a far cry from the real
hippies of the 1960s. The movement was not just a fad to real
hippies. It wasn't a fashion statement. It wasn't something that
people did just so they could say, "We're better than you because we
shop at Whole Foods and are active in our community and we ride bikes
to spare the environment from greenhouse gas emissions."

Give me a break. I ride a bike, too, and I have long hair, I love
music festivals, and I love to smoke really good pot and trip on LSD
and mushrooms; but I'm not trying to force my beliefs down anyone's throat.

I'm open to many things. I'll try anything twice, but I won't sit
down and try to have an intelligent conversation with you smelly,
super-tight-jeans-cut-like-capris-wearing, Whole Foods-eating snobs
who think that, because you get buttloads of money from your parents
to go to Tulane, you are better than me. (I've already tried it
twice.) I work two jobs to make ends meet, while you sit at home and
smoke weed and paint sh­tty works of art.

I remember having a conversation with one of these hippycrites about
global warming. I tried to argue my case, but my opinion was
immediately dismissed because I didn't completely agree with Al
Gore's theory of global warming. Just because Al Gore said something
semi-intelligent, that doesn't mean that he's 100 percent right.

I attempted to argue that our solar system's sun is a young star that
is constantly growing larger and larger and our ozone layer already
has a massive hole in it. It's only a matter of time before a global
meltdown takes place.

Al Gore is not the all-knowing voice of reason. Sure, he makes good
points here and there, but seek out other sources of information and
do your own research if you want to have a well-rounded argument.

Don't tell me Mr. Gore knows it all because he doesn't. None of us
do. That's exactly why we argue and debate, to take a little bit of
information from each and every source to form our own opinions.

Look. I know you think it's cool to wear your hair in dreads, listen
to reggae music, smoke pot, not bathe, wear Birkenstocks and
hemp-woven sandals, panhandle, etc., but do me a favor. Stop looking
down your big noses at me or anyone else that has a pertinent piece
of information that may make you stop and say, "Hmm. This guy might
actually know something that I haven't thought of..."

Not all new-age hippies are bad guys. I'd like to take this
opportunity to thank the guys who developed the heavy psychedelics
2CI and 2CE. That sh­t's way more intense than acid.

And congratulations to the people at Whole Foods. It's great to see
real hippies sticking it to the hippycrites who spend a fortune on
your organic products.

Also, a special thanks to the guys and gals who decided to cultivate
Kind Bud instead of schwag. However, I still don't get why y'all have
to come up with these crazy names for your bud. The bud I've got
right now doesn't have a name, but I'll take the Pepsi challenge with
any of your hippy, name-brand sh­t any day.

Happy Friday!

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