And we thought the times they were a- changing…
By Diane Snyder
GateHouse News Service
Posted Nov 17, 2009
Hingham
My baby boomer eyes skim over the front page of the newspaper, and I
almost miss the article tucked into a narrow column at the bottom
right edge. The headline "Tufts University" is followed by "Dorm room
sex is fine: but not in front of roommate." The story goes on to
explain that Tufts has a new rule stating "You may not engage in
sexual activity while your roommate is present in the room."
According to the article, the new policy should promote better
communication between roommates on the issue of sex etiquette. While
reaction from undergraduates is varied, some students are troubled
about not being included in the process of determining this policy.
Later in the day I hear this story repeated on the television news,
with a request that listeners email their opinions on the
controversial ruling to the station.
Rather than writing an email, my mind puts me in a time machine. It's
1965, and I am driving with my parents from my suburban Newton,
Massachusetts home to the campus of Tufts University, also known as
"The Hill." En route we stop at Logan Airport to pick up Treasure, my
freshman roommate, and her mother. After introductions, we squeeze
into my father's Oldsmobile and soon arrive at Stratton Hall, our
assigned, all-female, dormitory. The white-haired housemother, Mrs.
Washburn, points our way to the room that will be our home away from
home. Located on the first floor, and tucked into the back right
corner, the room is bright, airy, and large enough to hold one single
bed, a bunk bed, and three desks. "Hi, I'm Emily," announces a
smiling, petite, blond, blue-eyed girl already seated on the single
bed. "I'm Diane" and "I'm Treasure" we respond in unison. Treasure
offers to take the upper bunk. "I don't mind heights," she laughs,
already beginning the task of stretching sheets onto the mattress
while balanced on a ladder. Emily sets up a small stereo phonograph
on her desk, and offers to share it with us. Unpacking a box of 33
rpm records, I line up a selection of albums by the Lettermen,
Roberta Flack, Dionne Warwick, Joan Baez, Judy Collins, The
Carpenters, Simon and Garfunkel, and Carole King. That evening we
begin what would become a nightly ritual, listening and sometimes
singing softly to refrains like "When I fall in love" and "What the
world needs now is love" and, after the experience of heartbreak,
"I'll never fall in love again".
As incoming freshmen, we are given an informative booklet titled
"Traditions at Tufts." I learn, for example, that in 1852 Tufts
College received a charter from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. In
addition, according to the act of incorporation, "the funds of the
college should be used in such a manner as shall most effectually
promote virtue and piety." Forty years later, in 1892, when women are
first admitted to the college, there is great concern that "the
presence of the fair sex would not only weaken the academic standards
of the College but would also be a threat to the moral fiber of the
men students." Although my time machine has me in 1965, almost 45
years later, we coeds continue to learn that virtue and piety are
still a part of the value system at Tufts. Like a mother hen
gathering her chicks, Mrs. Washburn announces a mandatory meeting in
the dorm's living room to review rules and regulations. "It's all
about respect, courtesy, and responsibility," she begins. "No men,
not even your fathers, are allowed to visit your rooms. You must sign
out if you leave the dormitory in the evening, and sign in when you
return. Curfew is 10:30 p.m. during the week, 11 o'clock if you are
at the library, midnight on Friday, and 1 a.m. on Saturday. Male
visitors must wait in the living room while the student taking her
turn on desk duty informs you of his arrival. You may join him in the
living room." Barely pausing for a breath, Mrs. Washburn continues,
"You are required to wear dresses and skirts when attending classes
on The Hill. And weekend visitation hours in male dormitories will be
posted. Any questions?" I wonder about the consequences of rule
breaking, but feel far too shy to raise my hand, at least for now.
Anyhow, overwhelmed by the work of five freshman survey courses, most
of my energies go into reading, writing papers, preparing for tests,
and worrying about passing said tests. I drop a course known as
"kiddie chem." and replace it with calculus, thinking it would be
easier. And then I go in search of a calculus tutor when I realize my
mistake. Early in this first semester, my roommate Treasure meets
Richard, who will grow into her life long love. I, too, experience a
first love, followed by a first breakup. As for controversy in our
protected corner of the world, a big debate ensues over whether to
allow a soda machine in the dormitory. Freedom of soda trumps the
danger of potential cavities. My other roommate Emily announces she
has found her way to weight control through vomiting after meals.
This is 1965, and we have no idea about eating disorders. We hear a
rumor that the freshman in the room next to ours is having an affair
with a married professor. This is 1965, and we keep secrets. This is
1965, and we remain safe in our little cocoon on The Hill.
Now my mental time machine speeds me forward through the four years
at Tufts. It's 1969. I'm sitting and talking quietly with my
boyfriend Sam in my dorm room while Treasure types a paper at her
desk. Men are allowed in our rooms, although there is still a curfew
on male departure time from female dormitories. Most of those other
freshman rules are extinct. While life on The Hill is changing in
small, but significant ways, life in the bigger world around us has
been exploding with protests against the Vietnam war, student
takeovers at colleges, the Black Power movement, and the sexual
revolution. And yet, on June 1, 1969, at the Tufts University
commencement, when the class poet announces his sexual preference,
the loud speaker is turned off. After all, it is 1969, not 2009.
Which brings me to the present, to 2009, to a headline prohibiting
sex in a dorm room if a roommate is also in said room. My mental trip
down memory lane underscores the huge changes since my college days.
The founders of Tufts were concerned about virtue, piety, moral
fiber, and academic standards. How could they imagine today's
controversy around dorm room sex etiquette? Even the young women of
my class entering Tufts in 1965 couldn't imagine such a controversy.
From the perspective of hindsight, though, I find myself thinking
about those freshmen regulations. Regardless of whether they set
standards or encouraged hypocrisy, I believe that those rules were
all about respect and courtesy and responsibility. So maybe some
things really never do change. With, or without, rules it's still
about respect, courtesy, and responsibility.
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