One man who has loved and shared talks about his experience.
February 7, 2010
by ANDREW SIA
FREE love is about sharing. That's what a former hippie-era soul, now
reincarnated as a New Age thinker and blogger, advocates.
From his base at the orang asli village of Kampung Pertak, Kuala
Kubu Baru, Selangor, Antares, 59, says true love goes beyond jealousy
"My first wife began an affair when she discovered I was shagging a
colleague," he recalls. "The guy happened to be a kindred spirit, a
gentle soul who played exquisite ragas on the guitar.
"For a while I struggled with my jealousy circuits and my cuckolded
ego. Yet I was able to connect with him and enjoy the powerful love
connection my wife had with him."
Soon, Antares (also known as Kit Leee in his days as a writer,
cartoonist and musician) was chauffeuring his wife to her
"soulmate's" house, and jamming and smoking with him and his mates.
"Yes, it was a wholesome molecular family, especially when I observed
that my two daughters were extremely fond of him and that he treated
them with utmost affection. When I found a new girlfriend we often
went out to live music events together as one large family."
But soon after his wife's lover moved in with her, he became a heroin
addict and she had to throw him out. Later, she had an Australian
boyfriend who wanted her to move to Perth with him.
"But she opted out. He was a bit messed up emotionally. Whenever he
had a spat with my wife he would come over to my place and pour his heart out."
Antares is convinced that his early experiences shows that polyamory
(or what he calls "the molecular family") is workable. "But the
initiative must come from individuals who have successfully freed
themselves of boxed-in thinking."
As he writes in his blog (magickriver.blogspot.com): "I'm convinced
that if polyamory was included as another way to explore love and
harmony, the world would blossom into a spiritually wholesome and
truth-valuing place where deceit, hypocrisy, guilt, and
vindictiveness cannot flourish, and destructive jealousy will be seen
for what it is: an emotional disease!"
Antares is now married to Anoora, an orang asli woman of the Temuan
tribe. "She's a real cutie, except when possessed by the demon of jealousy.
"Jealousy is part of humans' primitive, animalistic territorial
instincts; it makes people compete just to bolster their fragile
sense of self-worth," he says. "But beyond a certain point in
evolution, it becomes counter to survival as it blocks us from
becoming spontaneously cooperative."
Antares says, "In terms of openly loving more than one person at any
moment, I have always been polyamorous. It's the sexual bit that
often causes snags because of deeply ingrained taboos that make most
humans take sex either too seriously or too casually."
He notes that (Internet) reports from various (foreign) polyamory
groups on the importance of mature and honest communication among
their members indicate that these people tend to be articulate,
adventurous, and rebellious-spirited individuals.
"In Malaysia, I have met many young women who are beginning to openly
talk about polyamory and perhaps even practise it, but secretly, for
fear of a bad reputation."
Does he think that younger women today, fuelled by increasing
economic power, are claiming their sexual independence by asserting
their choice? Or, perhaps, even carving their own territorial domain
over several attentive males?
"More and more females are displaying stronger male aspects, while
their male counterparts are becoming more feminine. Perhaps it's
Nature's way of rectifying a patriarchal bias that has lasted too long.
"An empowered and liberated female attracts a string of admirers and
is in a position to enjoy their affections without demanding
emotional commitment or becoming over attached."